The Church

I have a love-hate relationship with the Church.
It's where I find beautiful people, community, spiritual things that amaze me, justice and compassion.
For a long time, it has defined me.
It has been a vehicle for my thoughts and ideas.
It has been a framework.
It has provided opportunities to work with justice issues, like no other place, in no other way.

And yet...there was a time when it didn't define me.
I defined me.
I was pretty self absorbed then
and I've partly not gotten that out of my system.
But self absorption is not all bad. Because I relied on myself.
My confidence was high, I knew then, what I was capable of.
I was capable of surviving and inspiring.
I knew there were some special things about me then.

This vehicle I'm travelling in is not a kind place.
That self reliance and confidence,
that arrogance that really took me places,
the ability to take chances and risk much,
the survival and inspiration
--- all of that is not welcomed too much in this vehicle.

This vehicle, on the most part, wants conformity.
Wants inspiration - but not too much or it becomes suspicious.
Wants self reliance and confidence
- but definitely not to a point where it needs to question accountability and pull in the reigns.
It says it wants risk taking - but not by risking too much that could hurt us.

I have a love-hate relationship with the Church. And sometimes I think there's more hate there than love. It promises the world but delivers very little of its promises.

It's lucky Christ is not limited to this vehicle.