Rah's Blahs

MOVING

2007-02-27T16:44:00.000+11:00

Thanks for reading my blog. I've moved hosts so from now on you can find me here.

Hope

2007-02-26T11:41:00.000+11:00

Amazingly, whilst writing my last post, a little visitor arrived in the mail from my sister...
I'm not sure yet whether he is flying the balloon, or the balloon is flying him...

Back to life…

2007-02-21T17:59:00.000+11:00

Cheryl has written a post that has really identified a question in me:
What are the things that bring us back to life… ?

Had I the faith or the language or the assurance, I would like to say God brings us back to life... but then I thought a second time about that and realised I don't like that answer. I don't like it because it dismisses any real questioning and/or discussion. It dismisses the problem that there are some for whom God does not 'resurrect' their life. It even dismisses the fear that maybe that's not the case and the question of 'who is God anyway'?

In the darkest days, the only answers I can rest in is Hope. And Truth.
And Justice - though I have not yet reached a conclusion that this exists in it's truest form. (If I said - and most of all, love, I could be on Moulin Rouge :)).

What brings me back to life is recovering hope. And there is nothing sadder than sitting with a person who can't find hope and nothing worse than being that person. I guess in the end, hope, truth and justice - and love - is God.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
Albert Camus

Meaningful moments...

2007-02-20T20:45:00.000+11:00

:)

2007-02-19T10:08:00.000+11:00

Blogging

2007-02-17T09:41:00.000+11:00

A friend sent me this link about blogging which is hilarious.
I'd love to be illegal and put the comic on here itself but I better not :).
So go check this out... here. We're all this 'sad' at heart.

What's for dinner?

2007-02-12T17:15:00.000+11:00

I've had some interesting conversations with people lately on the theme: If you could have four people to dinner (past or present people) who would they be? And why?

It's a tough one! It's been so interesting getting to know people in this way that I think I'm going to have to start a blog tagging exercise and see how it goes :). Apologies to those of you who don't want to know about it!

I'm going to start. But I am reserving the right to change my mind because it really is a tough decision. At the wedding on the weekend I decided I almost need a "serious" dinner and a "fun" dinner so that I could cover all bases. But basically, what I worked out is that I'm pretty much interested in people, justice and spirituality. So my choices go a small way in reflecting that...

1. Tenzin Palmo. A Buddhist nun who live in a cave for 10 years and seems to posses more calmness and wisdom and spirit than anyone I've come accross. I have a lot to learn from her.

2. I cringe as I say it, but George W. Bush. Reason being: I have a lot that I'd like him to answer for and though I expect to be snowballed, I really want the experience of finding out what really is behind his bullshit. (I mean that in the most non aggressive way possible :))
(Maybe I could take him Mick and Clare's "Bring David Hicks home" sign :0)

3. Bono. Yes I'm aware of Bono fatigue, but I can't help but think, here's a man with a perspective that I truly love. Let's hope he lives up to that impression, and hey, it'd be interesting to watch he and George if nothing else. I suspect he could relate to everyone on some level. He's lived.

4. Dave. Truly, I'm not trying to be corny. But part of the beauty about marrying Dave is that he is different to me. He adds to conversations differently, he thinks differently and he asks different questions...and I'm interested in his thoughts. And ultimately...I will need him to debrief with!

So that's my start. Honorary mention to Gregory David Roberts who I'd like to meet one day. But not necessarily at this dinner table. Jesus could be an option but I think he'd be annoying really...not answering questions directly and all.

So. Cheryl, Dave, Jono and Mel...how about you?
(By the way, Dave, I don't need to be at your dinner table :) )

Narooma

2007-02-12T10:42:00.000+11:00

We had the pleasure of being in Narooma on the weekend for a wedding that Dave did. Congratulations Greg & Emma!

Truth and life

2007-02-06T14:31:00.000+11:00

"It is a question of understanding my destiny,
of seeing what the Deity really wants me to do.
It is a question of finding a truth that is truth for me,
of finding the idea for which I am willing to live and die."

(Kierkegaard)

I like the thought there: what is a truth that is a truth for me?
What is something, not necessarily for which I might die,
but for which I am willing to live?

Call

2007-02-06T11:27:00.000+11:00

That is God's call to us:

simply to be people who are content to live close to Her (or Him)
and to renew the kind of life
in which the closeness is felt
and experienced.

Thomas Merton

Gossip

2007-02-05T21:39:00.000+11:00

I heard an fascinating rumour from the UC grapevine (so trusty) today...
the rumour being that I have had a major breakdown and ended up leaving the ministry.

Cool huh. It's been traced back 3 people, but beyond that who knows :). Thanks to Jules for ringing me up to see if I'm ok and what the heck happened - for all you out there wondering,

"I'm good, thanks". :)

My most major concern at the moment is that a case of wine we ordered has arrived but we can't drink any of it because our naturopath has us on a DETOX. Doh!

Bless you, you concerned people sharing rumours....

Kangaroo whisperer

2007-02-01T09:25:00.000+11:00

I woke up with more of a PMA (positive mental attitude) today, and thought I'd share a story with you.

On the weekend I was in South Australia at the farm belonging to my folks, and caught a kangaroo! A little joey had escaped and had been quite flighty before that. Anyway, I approached him quietly and thought he looked interested, so I got a bit closer and he took two jumps and dived into my lap and curled up! Unbelievable!

I wrapped him up and sat on the couch to watch a movie, and he spent the whole time sucking on my t-shirt! (I do have a photo of that but I was in my PJs so you're not going to see it)...

I remember years ago, a speaker at NCYC talking about God "making a pass" at people. Those moments where simple things of creation just seem like God reminding us about the awe of this world and God's kingdom in it.
What a moment.

And again...

2007-01-31T18:08:00.000+11:00

I liked this post from October last year. I needed to bring it back to life today :)

God bless this tiny little boat
And me who travels in it.
It stays afloat for years and years
And sinks within a minute.

And so the soul in which we sail,
Unknown by years of thinking,
Is deeply felt and understood
The minute that it's sinking.
(Michael Leunig, 1990)

(Photo taken in 2004, Munda, Solomon Islands)

Sometimes I just hate the world...

2007-01-31T17:58:00.000+11:00

and the people in it. (No offence). You might think I'm a 'people person' but I think we're all sadly mistaken.

Oh so much to say but at some point blogs become too personal. So let's leave it with this. We'll call it the tip of a big bloody ice berg.

The oh so inspired US now wants to block out the SUN to combat global warming: well, at least, how much we notice global warming. Let's just pollute the whole damn world but create MORE innovative ideas so we don't have to live with the consequences of our absolute disrespect and arrogance. You can read all about it here.

Cottesloe sunset

2007-01-25T09:35:00.000+11:00

(this is one of those "I wish I had the damn tripod!" moments...)

Well thanks to the encouragement from Jono I've decided to share some of my WA pics, although I think they're 'nice' but missing a sense of 'wooowwwww'.... Anyway here goes.

It's a weird thing, sun setting over the ocean.

revelation

2007-01-21T11:19:00.000+11:00

I'm back from some crazy youth working weeks. Back, trying to work out what it means to get back into routine. I always get a bit down in January, with a whole year ahead of me to face. I don't know why it is so daunting but it is. I'd like to learn to find excitement there.

Anyway - I've started reading a book of Dave's on Christian meditation in an Eastern way. Not something I'd buy, but it's great and I think it's going to help...

and I wanted to share this:

Revelation is not knowledge. Western minds think it's about knowledge, or 'learning' something, but it revelation is actually power. Transformative power.

I love that. Bring on that transformative power.

Family

2006-12-22T14:51:00.000+11:00

A rare sighting of Dave, brother-in-law Simon, Grandad and Dad!

the Harbour

2006-12-22T11:22:00.000+11:00

I had the pleasure of being taken on a Harbour cruise recently: thanks Spriggles!

Flame trees

2006-12-16T17:22:00.000+11:00

We share some history, this town and I
And I can't stop that long forgotten feeling of her...

Oh the flame trees will blind the weary driver
And there's nothing else could set fire to this town
There's no change, there's no pace
Everything within its place
Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around...

This song had no soul until Sarah Blasko took it over...

Tagged

2006-12-15T11:29:00.000+11:00

It seems I’ve been ‘tagged’ to list 5 things you probably don’t know about me.
… thanks Cheryl!

When I was a kid I had a praying mantis as a pet for a day. Mum made me let it go in the garden and I cried for hours.
I have a deep seated dislike/distaste/fear/phobia/aversion to LAMB (the kind you eat, not the music)
My Great Great Grandfather was William Henry Brown Patterson, who introduced “Patterson’s Curse” to Australia (otherwise known as Salvation Jane: the purple flowering weed…)
I recently fell out of a shopping trolley. I was riding in it with an unnamed Wollongong friend through the carpark...
I have a gorgeous name sake: Sara Joy Packer (her twin is named after my sister).

I tag Jules, Meags, Jared and Mel

It gives me hope

2006-12-05T15:23:00.000+11:00

If you haven't already, check out Cheryl's reflection here

I'm hesitant to say what it's about because that really is open to the interpreter, but enough to say that it's moving and brilliant - and yet again, Cheryl speaks to the heart for all of us...

Home

2006-12-05T14:52:00.000+11:00

What does it mean to be home?

Uganda

2006-12-04T17:08:00.000+11:00

I was really moved by a friend of mine today, hearing about the situation in Uganda...of which we hear nothing about in our mainstream media. All we hear about are things and places that the West has interest in. Uganda offers us nothing and therefore we close our eyes and ears to it.

I did some research. The picture on the right and article below is found on the IRC site (International Rescue Committee). Make sure you have a look. Apparently these kids are being stolen, and some have been made to bite each other to death, and forced to become child soldiers. It's horrific. It's particularly horrific that humans even have the capacity to do this to children...

"Forced to Flee: Uganda's Young "Night Commuters"

Each night in northern Uganda, tens of thousands of terrified children leave their villages at dusk and walk to town to avoid being kidnapped by the Lord's Resistance Army—a brutal rebel force that has abducted more than 30,000 children to serve as soldiers and slaves in its 20-year war against the Ugandan government.

Once in captivity, boys are forced to loot and burn villages and torture and kill neighbors. Abducted girls are routinely raped and become sex slaves or “wives” of rebel commanders. All witness unimaginable atrocities and many do not survive.

The International Rescue Committee and its local partners provide counseling, emotional support, food and medical care for the children who are able to flee, while working to locate their parents and arrange family reunions.

But the war continues to take a horrific toll. “Those who live here are witness to a slow genocide, a holocaust of children,” said one IRC staff member assisting former child soldiers. “And we wonder when the world will start paying attention.”

How to Help
Help children uprooted by violence in Uganda. You can donate on the IRC site or become involved. Have a look!

Waiting

2006-12-01T15:44:00.000+11:00

As Sarah waited…

40 years for a son to fulfil God’s promise

We wait in hope for what we thought had been promised to us.

As Moses waited…

40 years in the desert being prepared by God to lead his people

We wait for emptiness and humility; for bravado to wither

As Israel waited….

40 years in the desert, hungry, depressed, thirsting, unsure

We wait for things to move on and generations to pass

As the prophets waited…

1000 years of promises that God would raise up a Saviour

We wait for things to change.

As Mary waited…

9 months of her 14 years for the child of God

We feel the birth pangs yet fear for the child.

As John the Baptist waited…

Scanning the crowds for the one whose sandals he would not be worthy to untie

We long for an experience of the Divine.

As Jesus waited…

30 years of creeping time

40 days in the desert of temptation

3 years in the midst of misunderstanding

3 days in the depths of hell

So we wait for God’s time

Preparing the way

Our turn to toil on levelling mountains and straightening paths

Our turn to watch the time horizon

Our turn to pass on the hope –

The one who promised is faithful

And will come back.

Alternative Worship, compiled by Jonny Baker and Doug Gay p 36

This Old Life

2006-11-27T21:40:00.000+11:00

It doesn't make sense,

this old life.

Old. Olding. Older.

All the same.

In the same body, it’s all the same.

Eventually.

There’s nothing new under the sun.

A life grows. It dies.

Happiness comes. It fades.

The aching heart hurts. It heals.

The pressure cooker squeals. It calms.

Eventually.

This cycle of life, it turns, it churns.

It rolls along.

The cicadas still sing.

Are they laughing at me?

The probably are not even aware of me.

My thoughts. My presence.

I’m listening to them.

What do I mean to a cicada?

It doesn’t make sense,

this old life.

11/06

The Church

2006-11-09T10:16:00.000+11:00

I have a love-hate relationship with the Church.
It's where I find beautiful people, community, spiritual things that amaze me, justice and compassion.
For a long time, it has defined me.
It has been a vehicle for my thoughts and ideas.
It has been a framework.
It has provided opportunities to work with justice issues, like no other place, in no other way.

And yet...there was a time when it didn't define me.
I defined me.
I was pretty self absorbed then
and I've partly not gotten that out of my system.
But self absorption is not all bad. Because I relied on myself.
My confidence was high, I knew then, what I was capable of.
I was capable of surviving and inspiring.
I knew there were some special things about me then.

This vehicle I'm travelling in is not a kind place.
That self reliance and confidence,
that arrogance that really took me places,
the ability to take chances and risk much,
the survival and inspiration
--- all of that is not welcomed too much in this vehicle.

This vehicle, on the most part, wants conformity.
Wants inspiration - but not too much or it becomes suspicious.
Wants self reliance and confidence
- but definitely not to a point where it needs to question accountability and pull in the reigns.
It says it wants risk taking - but not by risking too much that could hurt us.

I have a love-hate relationship with the Church. And sometimes I think there's more hate there than love. It promises the world but delivers very little of its promises.

It's lucky Christ is not limited to this vehicle.

Dogs

2006-11-09T09:35:00.000+11:00

My dogs are crazy. Oops, our dogs are crazy.

Mallie the Maltese/silky whines and whimpers and barks whenever she's hungry until someone feeds her (Thankfully Dave has started doing it when he gets up at 6.30am). THEN she comes back in and sits by the bed chewing her feet.
This morning I kept yelling at her to stop...but she continued to annoy me...

You will read on Dave's blog the very funny story about what Kaibu, our border collie was up to in the mean time.

I admitted defeat eventually and got out of bed. Mallie tried to fool me into thinking she hadn't been fed already but when I ignored her, she curled up on a pillow (on the couch!) and went to sleep. AND...the little sh*t hasn't moved since!

NICE that she gets to sleep now that I'm awake....

Poem

2006-11-03T14:41:00.000+11:00

Then the old man said ‘why can’t we be happy with everything?’

Can’t we love it all?

The young girl asks ‘why can’t we have it all?’

Is it possible to find a certain love in the whole lot?

Or am I just going a bit crazy?

Can we decipher for ourselves

When to eat up all the wonder?

Because pushing it down is cramping my style

Is it too strange to want to be

And just love for a little while?

Take note of the speechlessness of a genuine smile

In all it’s simple magic

Then look away to a new scene..

The child crying softly

Weeping on a concrete footstep

And inside, a broken toy

Tears tumbling over his fingers

But it’s real and there’s no doubt

And it’s a precious living thing

That I can’t stop thinking about

And I know of this life

That the word beauty falls so short

There’s no way to live and love

Unless you observe and do and know

What can’t be taught or told

So ride the cradle’s gentle wave

And inspire the moonshine

Into simply being, without a word

Wollongong

If I just lay here...

2006-10-31T17:54:00.000+11:00

I've got a new favourite band.

"If I lay here, If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

...I need your grace to remind me to find my own..."

'Chasing Cars' from Snow Patrol's new albumn: Eyes Open

Boat

2006-10-28T10:13:00.000+10:00

God bless this tiny little boat
And me who travels in it.
It stays afloat for years and years
And sinks within a minute.

And so the soul in which we sail,
Unknown by years of thinking,
Is deeply felt and understood
The minute that it's sinking.
(Michael Leunig, 1990)

(Photo taken in 2004, Munda, Solomon Islands)

Bandana Day

2006-10-28T09:22:00.000+10:00

Here we have a celebration of Bandana Day!
One of our 11 year olds from Youth Group has recently undergone her first treatment for Leukemia. It's really heartbreaking.
Leukemia, at least, has a reasonable survival rate these days but the chemo is so tough - and it really just does prove that shit happens to good people. I've really been asking how can this happen? (As have her family!)

Anyway, it's tough stuff. And there's not much we can do to take her suffering away but we have been plugging bandana day to support Canteen which supports her.

The top pic is some of the uni crowd (Uniting Spiritually) and the bottom is some of the kids from her youth group.

Tomorrow we're hitting up the church with bandanas too, although we'll wait and see if the oldies are ok with putting bandanas on their heads :). You know how it is.

Get behind Canteen this weekend!

Authentic worship

2006-10-15T12:02:00.000+10:00

Everyone has told me about the genius of Cheryl Lawrie and her alt worship creations…

On the weekend I had the pleasure (well, sort of) of experiencing something of the sort. Cheryl set up a simple sacred space using the story of Job, relating to anger with God. It is the first time I have ever cried in worship. It is, I believe, the first time worship has ever connected with what I really thought. Really. Deep in my heart.

And it hurt.

Yet it's authentic, and that's all we can ask for.
The picture above asks what are you raging about?

'Give me the courage God to say that I am angry at the world, and at you.
That things aren't all different
That you aren't different
That you are not what I need you to be

And I don't know what you can make of this.
That is all I have faith left to pray.'

Thanks Cheryl.

Make Indigenous Poverty History

2006-10-11T12:05:00.000+10:00

On Sunday night we had a reflective service at church on "Make Indigenous Poverty History". It's hard to digest all the Milennium Goals at once and remember, recognise and rectify in an hour or so. Yet it was enough to move us into a recognition of the dramatic injustices in our country and a common hope and committment to make a difference, wherever and however we can.
We each read a committment aloud together and signed the Poverty Pole with our handprints. We'll put the pole out the front of our church in the ground and hope that we might be evangelistic about justice for Indigenous peoples!

Opportunities

2006-10-02T17:53:00.000+10:00

So the universe is trying to tell me something, I'm sure.

Today I/we had another community happening. Another woman in trouble. Dave and I were driving along and happened to see a man chasing a woman and then punch her, and she fell to the ground. I already had Dave's phone in my hand and started dialling the police (you know, friends that they are of mine :)) in time to see three more young guys run towards her also.

They threw her handbag out in the intersection and she ran out to get it and started to leave the scene, and the men walked behind her in pursuit. We sat in the car, giving details of everyone to the police and to their credit, they said they would be there right away.

Dave and I kept driving (we had to find out the street name) and in a couple of minutes went back. Even though this was a time when I didn't want to put ourselves out there in a bunch of angry young men (and the woman seemed safe for the moment), I wasn't sure that it was okay to leave her there without the police.

Good news! In 3 or 4 minutes the police arrived with two very big officers, and we saw them tackle the man who punched her as the woman walked away.

My mum joked that I should just start staying at home and I joked back: "But who will save all these women?!?!". It's kind of a joke but has a really sad side to it.

Technically, our actions today could be unwelcome and interferring. On the other hand, it is never ever okay to abuse people like that, and that man belongs in jail. Not that I believe in our "punsihment" system either. But that's another story.

A good news story for the police today. A not so good one for this town. And probably a not so good one for all of us again, who looked on or drove past.

the Gong by night

2006-09-27T09:13:00.000+10:00

These are my first attempt at night shots : I thought that rather than waiting to post my ultimate picture I should take you on my photographic journey...here begins my night shots!

Springtime glow

2006-09-22T12:26:00.000+10:00

Finally, something to say.

2006-09-19T07:26:00.000+10:00

I've been in creative exile while my camera has been stuck in another state for 2 months. It's a shocker. And it's not over yet - but nonetheless, something crazy happened yesterday which has spurred me on with something to say. Read on.

Yesterday I was driving along in Wollongong with a friend (and her 2 year old in the back) when we spotted - actually, swerved around - a woman who on first impressions was hitchiking in a kind of odd way. i.e. in the middle of the traffic. After we drove past I was looking back at her to see her jump in front of a truck - who also, somehow, swerved across the other side of the road to miss her.

We decided we should go back so we drove around the block and parked a little way away. We wanted to keep the 2 year old safe should anything go pear shaped. And I walked up to her to ask if she was ok and if I could do anything for her.

The short part of the story is that this poor woman was terrified (of a bloke who just got out of jail who decided to appear and start yelling at us) and she just wanted to die. I asked her if I could take her somewhere safe and she said there is nowhere safe. That's when the man appeared. He wanted her to come with him and told me to bugger off because "you don't know anything and nothing's been going on".

The woman handed me her mobile phone and asked me to keep it. I tried to give it back, saying she'd need it, and she said "no. Please hang onto it for me".
And then she left with the man.

What to do, what to do. I didn't want her phone. I didn't even know what to do with it. But on some level, maybe she gave it to me so that I'd do something. Or maybe she just wasn't thinking clearly. Anyway, with some skepticism I went to the police. You know, the serve and protect people. The community people. Yeah, excuse my attitude.

I went to the police and told them the story and that I was concerned about her, I knew her name and the taxi number they went off in, and I was handing in her phone. The police officer said "You shouldn't be talking to people like that in the street. People with mental illness can be dangerous and they have diseases".

OH MY GOSH. Can you believe it. Since that time I have thought of a number of responses to that that might have been more effective than the disbelieving silence that I felt. Though I did point out to her that I know a bit about mental illness, and this woman was not in any way having an episode. She was scared and sad and wanted to die. That means she needs help, yes, but it does not make her dangerous or diseased or mentally ill.

What's happened to our society that I'm not able to stop on the side of the road for someone who wants to die? Isn't that part of the problem? Isn't the reason she wants to die because nobody is caring for her or looking out for her or asking her if she's okay? How could I possibly get a disease from her by caring, and if I did, is the cost then too high?

It could have gone pear shaped. I get that. Yet if she was unstable I would have called the police. And she wasn't. She was just at the end. She didn't know what to do and thought death would be better.

Man, I have a LOT to say about this but think I will stop there. I can't help wondering about the Good Samaritan story. For that one story there are a gazillion that didn't make it because no one ever stopped. Or the police told them it's "their business".

Fairness and peace

2006-08-30T11:18:00.000+10:00

God,
as we remember today the vast sums spent on armaments,
teach us to seek out a community of hearts
that we, together, may create more peaceful societies
and a fairer world;
offering our own lives and prayers
in the costly work of reconciliation;
your work,
God of peace

God's resting time

2006-08-19T17:24:00.000+10:00

It was just one of those great moments. Sitting around with a bunch of 15 year olds in prayer. And one of them in his earnest offerings of prayer said to God "Well, God, hope you have a great weekend... Guess you don't get to rest much though...".

You have to love youth work.

wisdom

2006-08-17T09:21:00.000+10:00

And Solomon prayed for wisdom:
"God, grant me an understanding mind"

What's up with the world

2006-08-10T14:10:00.000+10:00

"One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic."

-Chuck Norris

If you've ever truly wanted to engage with what's wrong with us all today - the world, the 'community' or lack thereof, the disengagement...

check out the Monkeysphere.

If you're more into the way technology is contributing to it all (come on, we all know that young people can't even spell NEmore!) - you need to read Misery (7 reasons why the 21st century is making us miserable).

Both well worth a read and a chuckle and probably a long conversation over a glass of red...

the presence of God

2006-08-03T11:16:00.000+10:00

A calmer time on Mornington Island

Hope

2006-07-29T14:07:00.000+10:00

HOPE
is definitely not the same as optimism.

It is not the conviction that something will turn out well
but the certainty that something makes sense
regardless of how it turns out.

It is a dimension of the soul.

Vaclav Havel

One more pelican

2006-07-27T23:11:00.000+10:00

This is not to make any claims on photographical brilliance - I just love this fella.
Apart from my Dad taking a photo of my hand down a Pelican's throat when it bit me at age 5, I think these guys are the most gracious and giving creatures. Did you know - they will peck themselves to death to feed their starving little ones if need be?
Hmm...

Pelican Magic #2

2006-07-27T11:26:00.000+10:00

Wollongong 2006

Pelican Magic

2006-07-26T18:37:00.000+10:00

Terrigal 2004

Better Days

2006-07-19T14:25:00.000+10:00

Songs normally work. Take this one from Pete Murray. Read it, soak it up and let it sit with you...

And I saw it coming
I saw emptiness and tragedy
And I felt like running
So far away
But knew I had to stay
And I know when I'm older
I look back and I still feel the pain
I know I'll be stronger and I know I'll be fine
For the rest of my days

I've seen better days
Put my face in my hands
Get down on my knees and I pray to God
Hope he sees me through till the end

I noticed the smallest things
But I didn't notice the change
It was hot in the morning
Then it turned so cold, twas the end of the day
There was no condensation I just felt like I was in space
I needed my friends there I just turned around
They were gone without a trace

I've seen better days
Put my face in my hands
Get down on my knees and I pray to God
Hope he sees me through till the end

Now I have just started
And I won't be done till the end
There's nothing I have lost
That was once placed upon the palm of my hands
And all of these hard times
Have faded round the bend
Now that I'm wiser I cannot wait
Till I can help my friends

I've seen better days
Put my face in my hands
Get down on my knees and I pray to God
Hope he sees me through till the end

2006-07-19T14:22:00.000+10:00

I wish there was an image to depict where I've been the last few weeks. Wherever it was, it wasn't great.

I'm back now. Emerged. And I'll make a concerted effort to update this blog'o'mine...

today

2006-06-16T20:54:00.000+10:00

tiredness
contentment
unleashing joy
day dreaming
grate-full-ness
unbelieving
weariness
anticipation
care
attentiveness
preparation
realizing dreams
guarded hopes
clinging on
spaced
prayer
tiredness.

Frost

2006-06-14T10:16:00.000+10:00

Dad's frosty morning on the farm

George...again.

2006-06-10T13:28:00.000+10:00

i move on holding on to what i learn
it's time to let go of the notion
that the whole world's against me
break free of shackles that formed young
time free in now and now i know
it's not all up to me, i can count on another
so move on lighter and be free....

cause i only have one second, this minute today
i can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now
and so this moment, i just have to sing out loud
and say i love i like and breathe in now
and say i love i live and breathe in

i believe in for today, i just want to know that you're okay
cause i believe in breathing just for today
i just want to know that you're okay......

World Environment Day

2006-06-08T15:12:00.000+10:00

If I were a butterfly, I'd thank you God for giving me wings
...until the flowers dry up from global warming and I have nowhere to land
If I were a robin in a tree, I'd thank you God that I could sing
...until my trees are cut down and made into fax paper
If I were a fish in the sea, I'd wiggle my tail & giggle with glee
...until the oil spills and over-fishing finally caught up with me

But I just thank you God for making me, me.

Happy World Environment Day everyone.
5th June 2006

My take on it.

2006-06-05T17:33:00.000+10:00

If only life were so simple,
a heartbeat, a smile, moving on.
If only we weren't built so complex,
sometimes right but mostly just wrong.

If only one day we could wake up
and know we're ok once and for all,
If only we didn't fear so much,
then maybe we'd stop feeling small.

If only people could know each other
and nourish and believe and care
If only there weren't such surprises,
little atom bombs hiding in there.

I'd walk in my days a little lighter
I'd hold my head up a little higher
I'd find the future a little brighter
I'd aim for faith like a child.

Faith like a child

2006-06-05T17:24:00.000+10:00

"They say that I can move the mountains
and send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe...
with faith like a child".
Jars of Clay

Emotions

2006-06-05T17:19:00.000+10:00

Come take a look at emotions
that play on the seesaw of life
Cry the tears of sadness
and smile at the simplest joys.
Come take a look at emotions
and ride on this roller coaster of mine
It takes nothing to feel all these emotions
-Only a little of time.

Tina Gardner

Peace Lily

2006-06-03T08:15:00.000+10:00

Peace.

What is love

2006-05-30T16:13:00.000+10:00

To know oneself.
To serve.
To be loved.
To be woman.
To be courageous
loyal
compassionate
loving
To be fearless.
To have one's heart broken.

To give and recieve.
To love and be loved.

Ecclesiastes 11:3-5; 10

2006-05-28T17:02:00.000+10:00

If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or the north,
in the place where it falls, there it will lie.
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.

As you do not know the path of the wind
or how the body is fomed in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the maker of all things.

So then banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body for youth and vigor are meaningless...

Healer of Galilee

2006-05-28T16:56:00.000+10:00

Again you accompany us,
when our faith falters,
when our relationships break down,
when in our loneliness we move beyond tears,
O Healer of Galilee.

An Iona Prayer Book

A picture of dignity and balance: http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2006/05/04/1146335867017.html

My macro playing...

2006-05-25T18:16:00.000+10:00

Thank God for George

2006-05-24T17:55:00.000+10:00

work through, joy through, work the goddess,of religion, dogma and guilt.poor me start, joyful destiny, respite, guilt free passion,grant fear of freedom, sympathy,god and myself, god and myself,to another place from respect, joyful girl, thankyou
and I'm ready to release on another day,I'm ready to respect the day todayI'm ready to respect myself today,I'm ready to release
self-image, confidence, troubled,comfortable, blame, touching, partakewith grace, jealousy, wisdom,unabashed joy and me you yumpower, transference to equality, letting go, joy again,loving do unto others as to yourself, thank you.
and I'm ready to release on another day,I'm ready to respect the day todayI'm ready to respect myself today,I'm ready to release on another day I'm ready to release myself today,I'm ready to release
male female innocent carefree,fate honour and wrongsuccess caressing a self love,do to yourself as to otherscomfortable held release,comfortable held release,comfortable held release,comfortable held release.
and I'm ready to release on another day,I'm ready to respect the day todayI'm ready to respect myself today,I'm ready to release on another day.and I'm ready to release on another day,I'm ready to respect the day todayI'm ready to respect myself today,I'm ready to release
grant fear of freedom, sympathy,god and myself, god and myself,to another place from respect, joyful girl, thankyou

Fountain

2006-05-23T15:52:00.000+10:00

Prayer on reflection

2006-05-22T14:00:00.000+10:00

Oh God, the journey has been so long.
I’ve taken every side road along the way.
I’ve explored all the hidden places
As your prodigal daughter, I’ve felt that I could find the way myself.

Even so, You, as loving parent, were beside me
Picking me up when I fell
Sustaining me when my strength was gone
Nurturing me when I was helpless

And when I was exhausted
Floundering
Ready to give up
You touched me with Your grace,
And I felt your abundant love.
We walk back home together…
Hand in hand

Susan Gregg-Schroeder mentalhealthministries.net

Discernment

2006-05-19T14:47:00.000+10:00

"Our task is to deal with our ignorance. But in the meantime, moment to moment in our everyday life, it is very important for us not only to be aware, but to exercise discernement.
We must know how to discern the true intention behind everything we think, do and say. When unwholesome things come to mind, we recognize them, we let them go. We accept them, we don't deny them. We don't get into conflict about them. We see them, recognize them, and let them go. We encourage and rejoice in wholesome things. In this way, step by step, we purify the mind."
Tenzin Palmo: Reflections on a Mountain Lake.

Eternal sunshine

2006-05-19T14:35:00.000+10:00

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Each prayer accepted

& each wish resigned

Sparks

2006-05-19T13:54:00.000+10:00

We all have a history - and a future - and sometimes it just gets too much dealing with both I think. Somehow we need to find an avenue to hold both gently in our hands, to let some of it sift through our fingers and to hold tightly on to the rest. The crunch point is having the wisdom to know what's what. Sometimes what appears precious really needs to be part of that which is sifted out.

2006-05-08T21:32:00.000+10:00

Here it is! Insights is up and running - check out my Mental Health article!
http://insights.uca.org.au/2006/may/mental-healing.htm
It's funny - kind of having a sense that your life and your story is sacred and okay...yet knowing that there are always people out there who think otherwise.

Mental illness pushes so many buttons for people. For some reason, otherwise normal and sensible people get really firey and misguided when talking about Mental Illness and/or sexuality. It's a weird phenomenon.

Cancer

2006-05-08T18:13:00.000+10:00

It's been a couple of months.
I found out I probably had cancer and then found out I didn't. 2 operations and lots of stress later - I'm back. Oddly unaffected it seems. Well - people expect me to be 'normal' again. They ask me if I'm "all better" or tell me I look "back to normal". But what is normal after you have thought you could be dying? It has to change you. Something is wrong if it doesn't I think.

The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
as I say goodbye to a way of life I thought I had designed for me

And I see you standing there, wanting more from me.
And all I can do is try.
And I see you standing there, I'm all I'll ever be,
and all I can do is try.
Nelly Furtado

Sunrise

2006-02-23T09:40:00.000+11:00

View this clip on Vimeo

2006-02-02T09:10:00.000+11:00

"Jeepers" time flies. I can't believe how I come on here and write about 'stillness' etc - it must make me seem so calm - but in reality, life is totally nuts, I am perpetually over-busy, and somehow the weeks are whizzing by.
Makes you wonder what the point of it all is doesn't it.

Anyway I don't know if you know of the Brick Testament - it's the Bible in leggo - what a great website. We've used it quite a bit, but then our church isn't precious. They are solid and courageous. I just read on the website about the bloke who puts the leggo things together. He's called the "Reverend ...." somebody and then following that: "Morally perfect since 1987". Woah.

I hope he's joking! :) Who says stuff like that?!

To be safe

2006-01-18T11:47:00.000+11:00

Do you know what. I think there is not much more important to us than to be safe.
Emotional safety, physical safety, spiritual safety. To be able to rest in the assurance that we will not be abused by those around us - in whatever sense - is crucial.

And yet so many people are so... unsafe.

S t i l l n e s s

2006-01-13T18:02:00.001+11:00

S t i l l n e s s

is a funny thing. We all long for it - but when we get it, it's hard to recognize.
Sometimes it comes disguised as loneliness. Or boredom.

But really...it is the stillness that the heart was seeking.

2006-01-11T16:27:00.000+11:00

Psalm 91:9-16
If you make the Most High your dwellng then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in your ways.
They will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

"Because she loves me" says the Lord, "I will rescue her, I will protect her,
for she acknowledges my name.
She will call upon me and I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honour her"

(NB. Protect translates literally to mean "raise her to a high, secure place"

2006-01-11T16:20:00.000+11:00

Our World Vision sponsor child, Narongsak!

2006-01-11T16:18:00.000+11:00

We gave this little girl an Australia bear :)

2006-01-11T16:14:00.000+11:00

Us in Thailand

2006-01-11T15:36:00.001+11:00

We went to Thailand for 3 weeks and it amazes me how individualistic and selfish we are in the West. Everything they do over there (well, obviously not 'everything') is based around community. How will this effect the people around me? What impact will it have on my family/community?

The questions we ask are more along the lines of - how inconvenient will it be for me, and do I feel like it?

You know - the age old - It's a free country! And even better...I can do whatever I want to do!

What are we doing to our world.

Blessed are the...

2005-11-18T12:13:00.000+11:00

"Blessed are the poor, not the penniless, but those whose hearts are free.
Blessed are the meek, not the soft, but those who are patient and tolerant.
Blessed are the merciful, not those who forget, but those who forgive.
Blessed are the pure in heart, not those who act like angels, but those whose lives are transparent.
Blessed are the peacemakers, not those who shun conflict, but those who face it squarely.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for justice, not because they suffer, but because they love.

(Church workers in Santiago, Chile, found in "An Iona Prayer Book", Peter
Millar)

"One cannot wait for conditions to be easy in order to act. And so, people of goodwill must never be disheartened when faced with the sudden unleashing of violence.
In the midst of it all, the seed sown in our heart slowly germinates.
WHen God becomes a child, he knows there is no better way to express himself than through the weakness of a child.
That is love telling us that it comes unarmed"

(Christophe Munzihirwa, Archbishop of Bukuvu, Zaire, assasinated in 1996)

Thoughts for the day...

No idea

2005-11-18T11:56:00.000+11:00

Guess what. I officially have no idea.
I created a blogspot in this name - remembered my password but haven't been able to blog 'cause I forgot my Username! Doh!
Anyway I just created a new one so I'm starting over.

Weird.

So I was talking with someone yesterday about blogs and the weirdness of putting your thoughts on the internet - and that there's a sense that you need to be careful about what you say incase you have to be accountable for it. Haha. Hopefully I don't say too many stupid things - but if you can't put dumb things on the internet then where can you, I figure?!